Last nights Opiate Dreams

Last night I had visions. My heart was open and I was drunk in love and an emptiness where i thanked god for everything as it flowed thru me.

It was not a sloppy, or naive love that flowed from up high downward thru my school soul, but one of profound perception and deep understanding. A fluid intuition that lead me to incredible insights about my personal life, my being, me duty, and my happiness.

The first gift was a response to my fleeting emotional state. At times, as I am feeling, I then recognize the feeling, and it disappears. Conscious of it, it eludes me. This is a long standing phenomena. I had learned to not get upset by it, because I could not control it. Now, however, one of the many sentient guides clearly impressed upon me that the feelings were fleeting because I was trying to make them stronger. To prove to myself they were real. In that FRACTION of a second between where I notice I'm feeling happy or tender or love or fear and the moment it is gone, there exists a sliver of "time" that my being wishes to feel more, and in so doing, somehow shuts all down. So very very quickly shifting thru multiple stages, I never realized it before. This new understanding, however, would lead me down even stranger paths.

I began to assess all the feelings, images, etc that were coming to me. I allowed the emotions in my heart for Liz to reside as they were, not wishing to make them grander and scare them away. Because I want to feel the fullness of my love for her. My love went deeper into my heart. So deep it seemed to reside on the other side of the veil, where there is no differentiation between man and woman, cat and owner, bed and chair. My heart felt cold even tho my head felt hot with passion, and I, in turn, felt awkward, for tho I had just then professed my deep love for her, it suddenly wasn't the love that young woman yearn for.

Now I was faced with a  dilemma. For tho my sense of self, my head, my creative power and the fire in my belly all felt the passion that had existed in my chest minutes before, my heart had walked thru the looking glass. And for the first time, I had to admit, wholeheartedly, that there was not that passion there. It was other places inside of me, very real and strong. But there, it was glass. It was distant. And the lyrics, "You're as cold as ice-" kept reverberating inside my head....

Still, it will reflect the intense passion and caring of my head and belly in its 2 sided glass.